Slowly Suffocating
by MomofPhoenix
Summary: This is an AU story. This story is about the journey of Stephanie, and her journey with Pulmonary Hypertension. PH is a real disease, there is no cure, and few treatments. This is based on my life with PH. This is a Babe HEA. There will be some Morelli bashing
1. Chapter 1

A/N not mine. I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

I couldn't breathe, my lips were turning blue. Nothing I did helped. I dialed 911. Something wasn't right, I felt like I was dying. My heart was racing, I was dizzy, and knew that any minute I was going to pass out. I just needed to hang on for a few more minutes, help would be there soon.

As the EMS arrived, so did Joe, and Ranger. Joe was standing there furious, yelling and flapping his arms wildly. Ranger, well Ranger looked scared. The fear that showed in his eyes, is what made me worry. Ranger was a badass, he didn't do scared. That was the last thing I remembered, before that blackness over took.

Two weeks later I woke up to the sounds of the hospital. The heart monitor sound funny, like my heart was racing. I had oxygen on, but still felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I looked up, and Ranger was sitting on a chair next to me sleeping. I reached out to touch his hand.

"Babe" he began, "Thank God, you're awake. I almost lost you."

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know. The doctors should be by soon, and tell us more."

He held my hand, rubbing small circles on the back. I could tell he wanted to say something, but was unsure about it. What the hell is going on. This wasn't like Ranger, he was showing so much emotion. The blank face was gone. I was scared out of my mind.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N not mine. I own nothing.

chapter 2

Slowly Suffocating

I sat there worrying. I wasn't sure what was going on, all I knew was that it was bad. I looked back over the last few months of my life. I realized that no matter what I was tired faster, I got short of breath quickly, and my hands and feet were always swollen. Probably, I should have gone to the doctors before now, but now is not the time for shoulda, coulda, wouldas. I saw the fear in Rangers eyes, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. This must be really bad. The doctor walked in at that moment.

"Miss. Plum. I am Dr. Zemaski, most people call me Dr. Z. I am a Lung, sleep and critical care doctor. I specialize in a disease called Pulmonary Hypertension. Over the next few days, I am going to run a few tests to see if you have this disease. I haven't been able to run them before now, because we needed to get you stabilized first. Currently you are in heart failure, and I believe that PH is the cause of that. PH does not have a cure, and there sre few treatments. This disease affects the arteries in your lungs, causing them to dilate, making it hard for your heart to get blood into your lungs. This also means that there is less oxygenated blood getting into your body. In the next 48 hours you will feel like you have run a marathon. You will have a VQ scan of your lungs, a pulmonary function test with exercise and pulmonary gases, and you will also have a right heart catheterization to check your pulmonary pressures. I know this is a lot to take in, and we will have more answers after all the testing is complete." Dr. Z. told me.

"Is there anything else we can do? Nothing is too expensive. I will pay anything to help her." Ranger told him.

"Money isn't going to change anything right now sir. Or even ever. If she has this disease, the only thing I can offer her is treatments. There is no cure. There is only about a five to ten year life expectancy. Although some people respond well to the medications and live longer. Right now, I a very certain this is what she has."

I just sat there stunned. This disease that I may have, has no cure! This damn disease, is final, terminal. This thing could, and most likely would kill me. How was I supposed to handle that? I knew that the doctor hadn't told us everything yet, but this, this is to much. Ranger and Dr. Z continued their discussion as though I wasn't even in the room, like it wasn't important what I wanted to know, or even had to say at this point. A nurse came in to take my vitals, asking if I needed anything for pain. She handed my a little cup with 4 different pills in it, and I asked her what they were.

"The white oblong one is called Coreg, it is for you blood pressure, and heart failure, one is lisinopril/htcz which is for your bp and your swelling, another is norvasc, and that is another bp med. the last one is a daily multi vitamin with iron, you are slightly anemic, and it will help." she informed me

"Why all the bp meds?" I asked.

"So far this is the combo we found that is helping bring your bp down."

(A/N this is the bp med combo I am currently on twice a day, it seems excessive, but it is the only thing that works for me.)

At this point, for me, only the nurse had been helpful. She took the time to explain my meds to me and put my mind at ease. I was terrified up to that point, but now I was calming I shouldn't have calmed down, because in walked Joe Morelli, as my doctor walked out.

"What the hell Cupcake! Do you think this is ok? I can't have a girlfriend who is sitting in a hospital pretending to be sick. There is nothing wrong with you."

I took a deep breath, and slowly let it out and told Joe, " Get out. I am done with you, and this dysfunctional relationship we have. I can't do it anymore. Please leave, we are done."

He took one look at me sneered and said," You'll be back, you always are." Then walked away.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Not mine. I own nothing.

In this chapter there will be mention of something called The Pulmonary Hypertension Association, this is a real thing. Please if you want to know more about PH, look them up on the web. They are a wonderful group!

chapter 3

Slowly Suffocating

The tears quickly filled my eyes, as Joe left. How could he possibly think that I am pretending? What the heck did I do to deserve his contempt. I realized at that moment, I don't love him, and he never loved me. My next problem will be telling my family if this turns out to be PH. My Mother will be full of why me's, my Dad won't say anything, Val will probably be just like Mom, and Grandma, well Grandma will take it hard.

Looking over and Ranger, I wasn't sure what he was thinking. I hope that I won't lose his friendship over this. I need him now more than ever. The support he has shown me over the years has meant more to me than anything. He must have been using his ESP, because he bgan to talk to me.

"Babe" he started, "Don't worry. I will be right here by your side for everything. Bobby will have to knock me out, and have Tank drag me away fighting to get rid of me. Probably, we should talk about a few things, but that can wait. There is one thing we should talk about though. When they release you, would you come stay on seven? That way we can make sure you are ok, please?"

"Let me think about it. I want to see what the doctors say first, maybe they're wrong, maybe I am ok."

"Babe, look at me. We need to think about your health. I can't lose you."

"Let's just see what Dr. Z has to say after all the testing. I don't want to be a burden to you or your company. Once we know for sure, then we will discuss this togther."

The silence that filled the room was tense, but I knew that he wouldn't pressure me to answer him, until we had all of the info. He is my best friend, and I love him, but I can not let this affect our friendship. When all is said and done, I will go home, and live on my own again. Just as I was working myself up to another round of tears, there was a knock on the door, and in walk Tank, and Lester. Thank god, just what I need, in the form of a Lester distraction. The man could have me laughing for hours, and he always told me he does it to keep the beautiful smile on my face. As Tank and Ranger moved out in the hall to talk Lester came and sat at the foot of my bed.

"Ok, Beautiful! I know we haven't gotten to see much of each other in the last month, but really going to the hospital?" He asked teasingly.

"Yup, you know me Les, always looking for attention. I just love all the drama." I said sarcastically. He let out a full on belly laugh at that.

"Seriously Beautiful, how are you doing?"

"You know Les, I'm honestly not real sure right now. Ask me again in a few day when we know whats going on for sure. Right now, I am just confused, scared, pissed at Morelli, and grateful for my friends. Physically I feel like I have been shot, blown up, kidnapped, and stuffed in a cabinet all in ten minutes. I hurt in places I didn't know I had, and I can't breathe, other than that I'm great. How are you?"

"So, what did Morelli do this time?"

"He came in yelling, flapping his arms, and acussing me of pretending to be sick. I was proud of myself though. I told him very calmly to leave, and that we were done. I can't stay in such a dysfunctional relationship with him any longer. He was being an ass, and I stood my ground."

" I am very proud of you Beautiful. You did the right thing. He's never deserved you to begin with. We all saw something wasn't right. We just didn't know how to tell you, or if you were even ready to hear it yet."

I was going to reply to that, but a hospital transport volunteer came in to take me for my VQ scan, and told everyone I would be back in the room in about three hours. Lester kissed my on the forehead, and as he was pushing me out of the room Ranger came to walk beside me.

"Sir, if you are coming along, you are going to have to stay in the waiting area, this test takes about three hours. You might want to go and geet something to eat, maybe go get a shower and helps to take a small break every now and again. Your wife needs you to be strong, and that means taking time for yourself too."

I was getting ready to tell the man that he wasn't my husband when Ranger spoke up, " I will once she is settled in for the test, and not a moment before."

We got down to imaging where my test was going to take place, and they put in another I.V. line. Apparently they use radioactive dye for this test, and it had to go into a different type of line than the one I had. Once that was done, Ranger gave me a gentle kiss on the lips and told me he would see me up in my room.

For the next three hours, I had to lay perfectly still with my arms over my head, as this machine took pictures of my chest. I was amazed that I could stay still for so long, but I did it. By the time I was done I couldn't feel my arms any longer, and was ready to be sitting upright in bed again. The same man who brought me down, took me back to my room, and when I got there wonderful smells hit my nose. Ella food!

Ranger came over and kissed my head, and dished up some heart healthy food for me. I guess I was going to have to learn go eat twigs and bark after all. Ranger chuckled, I guess I said that out loud.

" Yes Babe, you did."

A little while later a nurse cames in and introduced herself to me. She had a packet of information forme to read. She told me that it was best to be prepared incase I did have PH. The big yellow folder read The Pulmonary Hypertension Association patient guide, she gave a similar one to Ranger, except his was for caregivers. There was a large amount of information inside. I was exhausted, so instead of reading it right away, it was time for a nap. Which was a good thing right now, because my body needed it.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N not mine I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

I was woken from my nap by the doctor. Apparently, the VQ scan is used to check for blood clots, and I didn't have any. so that's a plus. He was concerned because my oxygen levels weren't coming up above 89 even while on oxygen, so he upped that as well. As he was explaining this to Ranger and I, Bobby came in. As we all finished up Bobby began to ask the doctor some questions about my current state.

As Bobby and the doctor talked, Ranger came up and laid down next to me on the bed, holding me in his arms.

"Babe, please let me help you. I need to be by your side. I need you by my side. The future is not certian for any of us, and whatever future we have, I need you in mine."

"Ranger, we really need to wait to have this discussion until we have some answers. I can only hold onto this emotional roller coaster for so long. So please only one upheaval at a time. I just need time to adjust to everything. Did you read all that information they gave us? I haven't even started and I'm already overwhelmed. "

" Steph, look at me. No matter what, I will help you. I don't think you realize what you mean to me. I tried so hard to just be your friend, I know that I am not good enough for you. I have loved you for so long, that when I thought I had lost you, I nearly lost my mind. Just think about it, please. When you are released, I would like you to move in with me. Let me Love you."

I was speechless. I couldn't believe he was telling me this. He had spoken about someday, and it sounded like he actually wanted a someday with me. I use to dream about this day, but now, now it scared the crap out of0 me. Here I was, potentially with a terminal illness, and now he decides he is ready. The big problem is, I don't think I can give him or anyone else that now. Why now? Damn it! He can't do this to me. I began to panic, I couldn't catcj my breath. The next thing I know, I hear Ranger talking quietly to me rubbing my back, as a nurse is standing next to me checking my vitals.

"Ms. Plum, are you alright now?"

"Yes, I'm fine. I just got myself a little worked up. I qas a little overwhelmed by everything for a moment, that's all." She finished up and walked out. Ranger kept rubbing my back.

"Babe, I'm sorry. I won't push you. We will come back to it when you are discharged, ok?"

"Thank you."

The tension filled the quiet room. I couldn't bring myself to turn on the T.V. it would just get on my nerves. So I began to ramble.

"Ranger, do you remember that day in the dinner?" he nodded, " was terrified that day, but so determined. I think I need to approach this whole thing, just like that. No matter how scared I am, I just have to work through it. I can do this. If I have this disease, then in will be a long term survivor. I have to. I can't let my family or anyone else drag me down. Ya know?"

"Proud of you Babe."

It was in that moment I realized that if he was really ready for someday, so was I. I just hope that he can accept all of my baggage. There was a knock at the door, and Bobby came back in the room, with dinner from Ella.

"Hey Bomber! Ready to eat?" My stomach roared, and they both laughed. Bobby came over to the bed and kissed my head. The nurse also came in bringing in a new I.V. bag for me. This time it was potassium, my levels were low, and they needed to give me a boost. She warned me that there might be a burning sensation as I get the I.V., she didn't tell me that it would feel like my arm was on fire. Stupid potassium. They had to give me a new line, since the vein it was in collapsed from the volatile solution. My Ella happy went right out the window. Maybe the next round of testing wouldn't be so bad, then again maybe I would wake up and this nightmare would be over.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N not mine. I own nothing. TISSUE WARNING

This chapter was a little harder for me to write. The fear and heartache, are both very hard to put forth onto paper. So, please bare with me here as this one is very emotionally challenging for me. Thank you

Slowly Suffocating

The next morning the doctor informed me that he decided to wait for the Pulmonary function test, but he was going to do the right heart cath, along with arterial blood gasses throughout the day. He asked Ranger to leave the room so that he could put a line into the artery in my wrist to access the blood gasses he wanted. Turns out it was a minor surgery, and as he pulled the blood for the gasses it felt like there was pins and needles following the whole artery, straight to my heart. I gasped at the weird sensation. He then informed me that I was scheduled for the cath lab at 1pm, and that I could not having anything to eat or drink until after it was over. He left and Ranger came back in, and ask me what was going on. I showed him my new line.

" I am having the right heart cath today at 1pm, and this fun new line is for them to draw blood gasses every 4 hours. Let me tell you that is the funkiest feeling in the world." I became very pensive at that point and he noticed.

" Somethings burning Babe. What's on your mind?"

"I'm scared Ranger. What if they tell me I have PH?"

"Then, I will still be by your side. We will do everything we have to, and make sure you get the best care possible. You're a fighter Babe, you'll get through it."

We sat there together, and he held me close. I fell asleep, feelings safe and secure in his arms. The next thing I knew, there was a nurse waking me to draw more blood gasses, and to let me know that transport was on their way to take me to the cath fear began in earnest then.

Ranger walked down holding my hand the whole way. My nerves were at an all time high. How was I going to handle this? He was going to put a line into my neck right down into my heart. I could feel the panic rising in my feelings were so intense. I couldn't even describe exactly what it was. I had never felt this way before. This wasn't someone else causing me a life or death situation, this was my own body betraying me.

When we got to the lab Ranger kissed my lips and told me that he would be waiting for me. Inside the lab Dr. Z was gowned up and waiting for me as they got me situated on the began explaining everything that he was doing, and asked what music I would like to listen to. The next thing I knew Bon Jovi was being piped into the room. He started out by numbing the right side of my neck, once that was done he made a small cut into my neck, and started running the line. Once it got to my heart I could actually feel it. it made my heart flutter. Dr. Z told me that was normal. He suddenly became very quiet. He asked the nurse for the nitrous oxide. He made a few remarks that I couldn't understand. Very soon I was done, and he was putting a pressure bandage on my neck, and it felt like he was holding all of his weight on that one spot for about 5 minutes to stop the bleeding. He told me that he would be up to my room in about an hour to speak with me.

Ranger was waiting for me as they rolled me out of the room, and up to mine. They had pulled more blood in the cath lab for blood gasses. Once in my room they hung another bag of potassium, and the fire in my veins was back. I was exhausted, but I couldn't sleep. The fear was radiating off of me in waves. The bandage on my neck was very uncomfortable. Ranger sat down on the side of my bed, and began to speak.

"No matter how this turns out. I will be by your side. You are my light. I need you to help keep the darkness at bay. If you need my strength, you can lean on me. I will be that strength. "

"Thank you Batman." I replied nurse brought in a snack for me. I sat there in denial land eating my orange Jello. The next hour passed quickly, and Bobby arrived at the same time as the doctor. He wanted to be ther so he could help me navigate all the medical jargon. The look on the doctor's face was one of defeat, I knew right then that it was bad.

" Ms. Plum," he began, " Your RHC shows that you do have PH. We are going to start you on Flolan through a central line that goes into your chest directly into your will be putting the line in tomorrow in the OR. Now, I know that this is a frightening diagnosis, and I hate that you are receiving it. There are a few treatments out there, and we will do everything we can to ensure that you are a long term survivor. Also, you need to know that having children is not an option, your body can not handle the stress. You also need to cut out the stress in your day to day life. We are hoping that the Flolan will help bring this under control, and your numbers down. If we can achieve that than we can get your BNP numbers down, and your heart failure better than it is. When we discharge you, you will be going home on oxygen, but you may be able to decrease it as your body adjusts to the meds. Right now though you need it. Ms. Plum, I am so sorry that you have to go through this, but please know that we will do everything we can for you."

I sat there in shock, as Ranger and Bobby asked him some questions. I began to cry. I cried for all that I lost, for the things I would never have, and for the life that I was losing. My God, I wouldn't see my nieces grow up! I no longer even had the option of having my own children. I couldn't be a bounty hunter like this. I was losing everything in one fell swope. How was I going to pay my rent, or take care of Rex? Dear God, what was I going to do?

(a/n next chapter will be in Rangers point of view.)


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Not Mine. I own Nothing.

TISSUE WARNING

This chapter will be from Ranger's point of view. some of this section is based on my husband's reaction to my diagnosis

Slowly Suffocating

Ranger's pov

When I heard that 911 call comes across the scanner, and it was Babe's address my heart stopped as they began to describe the caller and apartment number. I think I ran faster than I ever have in my entire life. Tank tried to ask me what was going on, but I just kept going until I got into my car and started it I heard on the scanner I knew it was bad, she never called 911 for help.

As I arrived so did the EMS, and Morelli. We got up to her place and I could onlylook at her in fear, her lips were blue and she was blacking out. Joe was yelling like a fool, and flapping his arms like a damn bird. Doesn't he give a shit about her at all. It took everything I had in me not to knock him out. As they loaded her into the bus they asked if one of us would be coming along or following.

" I'm riding with you. She is my employee, and I have her medical POA." I told them, Morelli snorted at me.

" Whatever Manoso. I'm going home, she's just looking for attention. You and I both know that." The EMS and I both sucked in our breath as he turned and walked away.

"What an Ass!" the EMS yelled. They were giving her an IV, and an oxygen mask. Taking vitals, and doing everything they could to try and bring her around. It had been along time since I had been to Mass, but I began to pray. God may not be happy with me, but damn it he didn't need to take it out on Steph.

As we pulled up to the ER they began spouting off her vital information to the nurse. I was in shock, her heart rate was 180 her bp was 190 over 110, and her pulse ox was only 77%. How did she stay awake as long as she did? What was wrong with her? I can't lose her now. I Love Her! She is my everything. Dear God don't take her from me now!

They got her stabilized and sent her to the ICU. The following two weeks were pure hell. When I was alone I would let the tears fall, thankfully the guys were able to keep the Plums and Morelli away from her for now. I had Bobby come in once a day to help me understand what the doctors were telling me, and it wasn't much, but when they said heart failure I couldn't keep the tears private any longer. This was worse than I thought. They did and echocardiogram while she was out of it and said her pulmonary pressures were very high, and they suspected something called Pulmonary Hypertension. Bobby went ghostly pale at those words.

" Shit." He said softly," This is bad Rangeman, real bad."

" What is it?"

" I don't know much about it, but Ranger, there is no cure. There are almost no treatments, and it is fatal. Let's just pray that it is not PH. Do you want me to pull the info on it?"

" No. I want to wait till we know for sure." I was taking a trip to denial land. Hopefully the specialist they were bringing in could give us some better answers. The last few days she had been making improvement, and was beginning to become, more awake each day.

When she finally came fully to, I asked her to stay with me so Bobby and I could care for her when she was released. She wanted to wait until she had more answers. I was so proud of her when she sent Morelli packing, she was very calm about it. While she was having her VQ scan done I ran back to my place and grabbed a shower, and in the privacy of my home, I broke down. I screamed at God for letting this happen to her. I cried for all of the unfairness of this whole ordeal. The hole that I left in the wall out of anger could be fixed, but this may not be able to be. I needed to get this out of my system. The fear, the anger, and the sorrow. The rage at this whole mess was winding down. I had to be strong, she needed me now more than ever.

I centered myself and called Luis to fix my wall, and Ella came up just before I left. She had tears in her eyes.

"It's bad, isn't it?" she asked. I couldn't respond, so I nodded. As Ella cried I held her, telling her I would do everything thing I could to help Stephanie, even if it meant going bankrupt and living under a bridge. I had calmed her down and made it back to the hospital just as she was being wheeled out of imaging to her room. That evening I tried to talk her into staying with me, living with me. I need our someday now more than ever. I realized how precious life was, and how much better mine was with her in it. She had a panic attack, and once she calmed down I told her we could talk about it another time before she was released, she wanted all the facts first.

While she napped I read the folder that the nurse had brought to me about being a caregiver for someone with PH. What I read only made things worse. No Cure, few treatment options, terminal. I bowed my head, crossed myself and began to pray every prayer I could remember from catholic school. Please let them be wrong!

The next day, they put an arterial line in her wrist for blood gasses, and took her for the right heart cath. I stayed in the waiting area this time. We went back to her room and waited for the results. An hour later we had our answer. She had PH. As she spaced out I spoke with the doctor and Bobby. He was going to put a line in her chest so she could get medication directly into her heart. As he described how things would happen and the time frame for us once again I just sat back in my chair and closed my eyes for a moment. I needed to gather myself before I could speak to anyone, let alone Babe without losing it.

I told her that I would be her strength whenever she needed it. I needed her in my life, she chased away the darkness. She was exhausted and fell asleep. I held her in my arms, and I couldn't stop the tears from falling. How can someone so caring, so wonderful, be this sick. It wasn't fair to her. If I could I would gladly be the one with this, so that she didn't have to suffer. We slept like that through the night. We didn't realize that the operation tomorrow was small potatoes compared to the hell we were about to face after it.

(A/N, the next chapter will be back go Steph.)


	7. Chapter 7

A/N not mine. I own nothing.

Sorry for they delay. We are , moving from Pa to Ga. I am exhausted.

Slowly Suffocating

They day of my surgery, I woke up with Ranger in my bed holding me. He being there kept me calm, at least now we new the name of the problem. We have a tentative game plan in place. Things are going forward, and that is the direction I want to go.

Ranger was rubbing circles on my abdomen. " Good morning Babe." He kissed my neck," Time to wake up, nurse will be in here soon." Just as he finished saying that, my door opened. I recognized the blonde shag hair cut as belonging to my sister Val. I groaned, I so did not want to deal with my family right now.

"Steph, what crap is this?" She asked softly. She may be a lot like our Mom, but she talks softly. " Why do you always do things like this? You need some serious help. Mom is on her way up. You better listen to her this time, or you won't have a family any longer. As it is, your time with my girls will be very limited." My mouth hang open, then the other Bomb walked into my room.

"Stephanie Michelle Plum! What do you think your doing?! No one else's daughter goes to the hospital for no reason. If you are not out of this hospital by tonight and at MY dinner table, you will NOT be allow back!"

Tank, Lester, Bobby and Cal came in at the sound of my Mother's yelling. Ranger stood up, and glared at my mother. He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her and Val both out of the room. I couldn't hear what Ranger was telling her, but my Mother's voice continued to be raised and shrill.

"There is nothing wrong with her! She is just trying to get attention! You can inform her that she is no longer welcome in MY house. I will not stand for this...No, I will not...She is not sick! Joey said there is nothing wrong with her!...I will believe him over you thugs or even the so called doctor you called in any day!...She needs to grow up, and marry him...All she is doing is trying to get out of marrying Joey, and having his children. ...fine, but I will be back...No, you will not ban me from her room!"

"GET OUT!"Ranger yelled. Oh, God Ranger yelled! Please don't let him kill her. It was twenty minutes later until Ranger reappeared. Lestee was sitting in a chair next to me calming me down, and getting me caught up on all the Rangeman news.

"Babe, we need to talk." Shit, I hate when people say that, it's never good.

"Thank you for getting them out of here. I guess since I am basically a captive audience, we can talk. What do we need to talk about now?"

"Morelli, and your family. I think you should have a restraining order made against them. They are harassing you, and with PH you really need to avoid , Stephanie, do this for me."

"Can you make the arrangements? If so, I will. Also, I thought about your offer to move. I am going to need the help, and if I can still do searches, and office work for you, I'll at least be able to pay my way. That is, if the offer is still open?"

"Of course, I'll have Carl come in for the order, and have the guys pack up your place, and move you to mine." He did the ESP thing with the guys, and they were off and running.

The nurse, transport, my doctor, and another person that I didn't recognize came into my room. I had a few papers to sign, and off to surgery I go. I can only hope that when I wake up, it will have all been a nightmare.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N not mine. I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

I was waking up from surgery, and my chest felt odd. I knew that they would be putting a line into my heart, but I also felt a little bit less tight. I was starting to breathe easier. Although I was scared, this seemed to be helping. Right now I was more worried about what my family is going to do. I bet no one told my Dad or Grandma that I was here, or that I was even sick. Once I am feeling better I knew I needed to call Mary Lou, my Dad and Grandma.

I was moved back into my room, and Ranger wasn't there. I hope he went to get some rest, he has been with me non-stop. He needed a break, even if it was just to take care of Rangeman business. We would have to talk about all of this. If he is to be my caregiver, he needs to take time for himself. Besides, when he has to go in the wind, I need to be able to be alone and care for myself. After about an hour, Ranger, Bobby, and the doctor all came in. Ranger came over, and kissed me.

"Stephanie, " Dr. Z. began, "Everything went great, and you are responding well to the Flolan. Once you are healed up, and responding well to all of the meds, I will release you into Mr. Manoso's care with Bobby's help. Once home, a nurse will come see you for the first two weeks. She will also train you on how to mix your meds, change your tubing, and site care. Along with the care of your pump. This will be very important, your pump is your lifeline. The medication will begin to immediately wear off, if something happens to stop the flow of it. Within five minutes it will no longer be in your system. Marie, the nurse who will be visiting you, will explain things a little better than I do, and in more detail. "

"I know there are a lot of things that I will have to change in my life, will she go over them with me?"

"Yes, she will. Basically though you will let you body tell you your limits, although there are somethings, such as diet that we will modify. We want to keep you with us as long as possible. I will do everything in my power to make that happen, but you have to be willing to work with me on it."

"Anything, even if I complain about it. I will do anything. " With that he said that if I needed something to ring my bell, and to gave a good night.

Ranger sat next to me on my bed, and Bobby stood on the other side.

"Babe, Tank, Lester, and Cal are packing up your apartment, and bringing it all to Rangeman as we speak. My laywer has the restraining order in place, and Your Mom, sister, and Morelli are all being served as we speak. Hal, and Ram are on your door tonight, and the TPD have all been made aware of the situation."

"Hey, Bomber. Do you have any questions about what the doc just told us? I know you'll like Marie, she reminds me a lot of you.I've worked with her before when it came to IV care for one of the guys, but from what I understand she specializes in PH."

"Be honest Bobby,how long do I have?" Ranger seemed shocked that I asked that, he sucked in a deep breath.

"Steph, we really don't know. It could be five years, it could be less. People with this disease are living longer every day. There are some that are living twenty plus years. I am hoping you are one of them. Why do you ask?"

"I am just trying to understand this a little better. I feel like I have a ticking time bomb in my chest that will never go away until it explodes. I need to be in control of something, and my body is failing me." I started to cry softly. Ranger wrapped me up in his arms, and held me close. The relief that we knew what was wrong with me was being coupled with the heartache that this disease brings with it. This was a good cry, a cleansing one. After twenty minutes I felt like myself again, and I was ready to fight. I would be fighting for my life, but I would fight for it. I will be a long term survivor. I will win this war.

A/N in this you will find Stephanie's moods will swing wildly for awhile, this is very common. At least my doctors told it was, I have agood days and bad ones, physically, mentally, and emotionally, and this will be reflected in here. It all plays a major factor in your life with PH.


	9. Chapter 9

a/n not mine. I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

The next day found me at a loss. I wasn't really sure how to proceed. where do I go from here? I would be released from the hospital soon, and with everything I have going on, it would be awhile until I could work again, if ever. My life would never be the same. I was just getting up to use the bathroom when Lester walked in carrying Ella food! I knew in that moment life would be alright.

Two hours later my Grandma and Dad came in. Grandma looked like she was on the war path, and Daddy, well I never aaw that look on his face before. I was in trouble. I wwas praying that they would at least listen to me, and support me, but I guess not. Daddy was the first to talk, or yell.

"What do you think you are doing having a restraining order placed against your Mother, and sister? They haven't done anything to you! Stephanie, you need to have it removed, before this get any worse. If you don't, I'll never have anything to do with you."

"Gee, Daddy. Nice to see you to, how are you? I'm doing great, I only have a terminal illness, and a port right into my heart to keep me alive. No big deal, I mean according to my so called mother and sister, I am faking this. According them them I am just looking for attention, and since I had surgery yesterday after their wonderful visit, and refused to sign myself out AMA so I could be at HER house last night, she informed me that I am not welcome inside HER house." I snapped out sarcastically, " Since you seem to be in the same frame of mind as her, I will have the order expanded to cover you as well. How ever many years I do have left, I want to be around those who really give a damn about me. Tell me now if I am going to lose my blood family, because if so, I want you gone now. I don't need the stress in my life from being harassed by anyone. "

Daddy just stood there, the shock clearly written all over his face. He seemed unsure as to what to say. Grandma spoke up in an unusually quiet voice.

" You will always have me Steph. No matter what, you will always have me." She hugged me, and we both began to cry.

"What do they say you have Pumpkin?" I shook my head, and Ranger told him. I could see the tears falling from his eyes. There was a sadness there that I had never seen before, when he hit me with some unexpected news.

"Pumpkin, do you remember me telling you about my little brother?" he asked, and I nodded my head." Honey, a few years after he passed I found his death certificate, and his cause of death was Pulmonary Hypertension. I am so sorry Baby, I will keep them away from you. I will always be in your corner. I should have asked you first, instead of just going off on you."

"That's ok Daddy, I forgive you. You just didn't know. I love you and Grandma, just you should probably keep Ma, and Val away from me, and Ranger. They might not survive it themselves. " I giggled a little. " Daddy, you remember Ranger, Carlos Manoso, and next to him is Lester Santos, his cousin. " Daddy did the strangest thing next.

"Col. or not Ranger, that is my daughter, hurt her, and you will find out why I was called Phoenix, same goes for you Santos." Both of their eyes bugged out. I had never seen Ranger or Lester look like they were going to have an accident, but in that moment they did. Daddy and Grandma stayed for another hour, promising to see me tomorrow.

Ranger and Lester were chuckling the door shut, " Only you would have one of the deadliest soldiers as their Father, next your gonna tell me that Smoke is your Uncle."

"Godfather, actually. I tend to call him Uncle Joe. Being the Mayor of Trenton it doesn't usually do well to go by a name like Smoke."

They both stiffened up and looked at me like I had grown two heads.

"What's wrong guys? You've known Joe Juniak for years."

" I never thought I would meet him. You have to understand Phoenix, and Smoke were legendary. Phoenix had this uncanny ability to sense when something. ...holy crap that's where you get it from Beautiful!"

The guys went on and on about my Dad, and Godfather. To me they were my family, to them they were heroes. I am honored by the high regard they hold them. As they were going on about the stories they had heard about Smoke and Phoenix, Bobby walked in with a small woman.

"Bomber, this is Marie. Marie this is Stephanie. "

"Nice to meet you Stephanie. I wanted to come by and meet you before you are discharged. If we can get these guys to leave you alone for about an hour, then we can get to know each other. I think that helps when it comes time to come into your personal space. Also, I have another PH patient here in Trenton, and I would like to bring her along. She can tell you all about the support group meetings, and programs they have run through the PHA. Do gentlemen, if you please, step outside. We need to have some girl time."

"Ummm, Marie. I am going to be living with Ranger, so he may want to stay." I said very unsure of myself.

"Babe, it's your home too. You spend some time with Marie. Bobby and Lester have the door. I have some paperwork I need to get done, before Tank Mutinies. Plus, I can't wait to tell him I know Smoke and Phoenix, then never tell him who it is. That will get him going." He grinned over that. He kissed me, and the guys left the room.

"So, is Bobby single." Marie started. I loved her already.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

This chapter will have a little more of the medical aspect as Marie, begins to go over PH with Stephanie a little more. Some of it has been implied already in the story, but there will be a bit more detail.

Slowly Suffocating

Marie broke the ice by asking me about Bobby, and I asked her if she wanted me to put a little bug in his ear about her. She nodded her head, and I grinned ear to ear. I wanted to see my Merry Men happy, and I think Marie is just right for Bobby. I looked up at her and realized that she now had a serious look on her face. I sighed, time to get started.

"Stephanie, I am not going to lie to you. This disease will change your life, and your everyday existence. I want to make sure you understand that. There are going to be many doctors visits in your future. Do you know if anyone else in your family has had PH?"

"I just found out that an uncle on my father's side passed away from it. I think he was really young."

"Ok, so you most likely either inherited it, or another disease that causes it. I am going to suggest you see a geneticist to help determine that. It can help with long term treatments. We can already rule out a few things that you have already been tested for, such as Lupus, sarcoidosis, and pulmonary fibrosis. Have you ever noticed that your joints are more flexible than most people?" I nodded. "Can you take your thumbs and bend them down to touch your wrist for me?" I did as she asked, each time she asked me to move a joint it moved freely. Then she showed me that she could not do any of those things.

"I think you may have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, or possibly Marfan syndrome. I am leaning more towards EDS, because of your height, although you are tall, you are not well above average, also you are not pigeon chested. EDS can affect the joints and the vascular system. You may want to ask your Dad if your uncle was flexible, or what most people call double jointed. That could give us a clue. EDS can affect the vascular system, and when it does Pulmonary Hypertension can happen. If this is inherited, then if you have any siblings, nieces, nephews, or even cousins, it may be wise to let them know so they can be looked at for EDS. That way if they would have it they can be aware of what to look for if they begin to develop PH as well. It is not likely that they would have it, and if they did, developing PH is very Rare. The potential is there though. I want to help you transition into your new life as easy as I can possibly make it. By the time I am no longer visiting your home you will either be so sick of me, that you'll be glad to see my backside, or we will become friends."

"I would prefer friends, now how often will I need to see Dr. Z?"

"Until you are at a good stability, it may be once a week. I know you will be going home on oxygen, and with the Flolan you may be able to decrease the amount of time you use it, you may always need it, but not 24/7. Once Dr.Z thinks you are on the right track your visits may go down to every three months. I haven't seen a patient go longer than that, but if we keep you on the right track, it is a very achievable goal to work towards. you will also need to see a cardiologist, and a geneticist. I am not sure how often that will happen, but it will happen. You are also going to have to modify you diet, it will help with the heart failure, and to keep the swelling down."

"Crap." That was all I could say. I knew things were going to change, but I really wanted to stay in denial land. How was I supposed to do this? I know that Ella would follow my diet to the letter, and her food was the best, so maybe this wasn't so bad after all.

"When you are released, I will be coming to your home to teach you how to change your dressings, mix your Flolan, set up your cassettes, and run your pump. I will also be showing Bobby and Ranger, so you need to learn to lean on them for help. I will help you keep your independence, while learning to accept the help when you need it. We will take this one day at a time, and it will be ok. You just have to fight for it."

I was unsure of what to say, so we left it there, with her assuring me that she would see me at least one more time before I went home. I think it was time to make a list of questions to ask her and Dr. Z, I need to get a handle on this and fast.

A/N I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome, and that is what they believe to be the cause of my PH, along with some valve problems with my heart.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

This chapter will move us forward quickly, days wise in the storyline. This is also more of just a filler chapter, a little more light hearted than the others.

Slowly Suffocating

After Marie's visit ended, Ranger, Lester, Bobby, Tank and a surprise visitor in the form of Hector showed up. I was so excited to see Hector, he may not speak much english, but we could communicate well enough that we understood that our friendship was a strong one. He watched over me all the time. He felt like a big brother that I never had.

"Hola. ¿Como estas angel?"

"Bueno, ahora que usted esta aqui." I replied. (good now that you are here) He had been teaching me a few phrases, and we could hold simple conversations. The look of shock on Ranger, and Lester's faces were priceless.

"He has been teaching me a little bit here and there. It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Growing up I learned to speak Italian, and they are very similar. "

Ranger grinned, and just said,"Babe." then leaned over and kissed me thoroughly. When he pulled back I was the one who was shocked this time. He actually kissed me like that in front of his men, holy cow! I never thought I would see that day. The sound of laughter filled the room, I smiled sheepishly, I guess I said all of that out loud.

" Yes you did, but I love you anyway." Ranger said in a voice loud enough for everyone to hear. The guys sent up a cheer loud enough to have a nurse scrambling in to make sure all was right in this little world we had created.

"I love you too Ranger."

"Carlos Babe, it's Carlos. " He leaned over to kiss me again. Hector just stood there and smiled

Hector came over and sat on the side of my bed held my hand.I could tell he wanted to say something, but was struggling to find the words in english for it. So I asked Ranger to translate for us. He nodded his head.

"Carino, tu eres mi luz, y cualquier cosa, en cualquier momento y en cualquier lugar que necesite algo, voy a estar alli. Velare por ti. Mi hermana del corazon."

"Sweetheart, you are my light, and anything, anytime, anywhere you need something I will be there. I will watch over you. My sister of the heart." I smiled at both of them.

"Gracias, mi hermano de mi corazon." I wiped at his tear drop tattoos, and heard the guys suck in a deep breath as I dropped a gentle kiss on them. I chuckled, because I knew they guys were afraid of his reaction to that. He seemed like a scary guy, but he wasn't. This had been our special greeting for awhile now. He wrapped me in his arms for a big hug. Ranger quirked an eyebrow at that.

Tank came over and gave me a hug too, "Little Girl, you are an amazing woman. Now, are you ready to play some games with us? I was thinking something along the lines of twenty questions."

"Ok Big Guy, but I get to go first. " They all nodded at this. "so question one, How did you all meet?"

Tank let out a big laugh and said, " I think I will deffer to Boss man on this one, he can tell that story better than the rest of us." I looked at Ranger, no Carlos and he hung his head ans shook it, mumbling under his breath.

"Well, Lester and I are cousins, and we meet the day I was born, you may not know this, but he is four years older than me. My Tia brought him to the hospital to meet me, and he told them that he didn't like me right away." I laughed, and Lester turned bright red.

"What? I was only 4!" He cried out.

Ranger continued, "I meet Tank and Bobby during Ranger school. Tank and I were set up as sparring partners, and I had been a little upset that day. I had just found out about Rachel being pregnant, and in the ring I was taking it out on Tank. I went too far, and he needed 56 stitches, and had a concussion. Bobby was called in to take care of him. I felt so bad, that I I wouldn't leave until I knew he would be alright. We've been friends ever since. Now how I met Hector that is an entirely different story. Do you remember me telling you about being in a gang as a young teen?" I nodded my head. "Well, Hector joined the gang not long after I entered the army. He took my place. When I began Rangeman they had a hit out on me, and Hector had worked his way up, and he was the one who was supposed to take me out. He set up a meet with me instead. He explained how he wanted out of that life. He had meet Jose, and knew that if anyone found out that he was gay that he was a dead man walking. I had just opened the Trenton office, and I was having some computer issues. I told him that I would relocate him and Jose, on my expense, if he could fix my systems. He just grinned. Jose decided that he would not make to move with him, but Hector came anyway. He had the system fixed and upgraded in 3 hours. He has been with us ever since. Now time for my question. " I sighed and nodded. " Why didn't you tell me to go to hell after our deal?"

"Are you sure you want the guys to know about this? If I answer you then we will have tell the whole story so they understand." He nodded.

"Ok then. I'll start at the beginning. Guys, you can not get upset about what you are about yo hear, but this is a major factor in Carlos' and my story. So sit back and listen carefully. When you came up with the deal that I had to sleep with you for helping to bring in DeCooch, I was scared shitless. I knew that I was in Love with you, and that by sleeping with you my heart was bound to be broken." Tank, Lester, and Bobby sucked a a deep breath, and Lester began to translate for Hector. If looks could kill Carlos would be a dead man. They all tried to talk.

"Let me finish please. The day after we slept together, and you told me to go fix it with Morelli, I was horrified. I listened to you because of everything you had told me. I didn't push you away, because I love you, and I needed you in my life in anyway possible. It didn't matter if my heart got broken everyday. I needed you in some way shape or form. That was a big reason why I broke up with Joe so much. I wasn't being fair to him knowing that I would never marry him, or love him like I should. I couldn't tell you how I felt, because I was afraid you would be gone from my life for good." He just sat there in silence.

" I am sorry Babe." Then next thing I knew I heard Hector growl out something in Spanish and tear out of my was not good.

"What did he just say?"

" I have an appointment on the mats with him when you are released. I can't blame him either. I was an ass. If it had been any of the other huys I would have done the same thing, then fired them for treating you so poorly. " Tank then spoke up.

" Well, now you will have an appointment with each of us. The number one rule at Rangeman, is to protect Stephanie at all costs. Well, you hurt her more than anything, and there will be a price for that."

"Guys, can we do something else? I think we are getting off track. Lester I see you brought Trivial Persuit, let's play that." They all nodded, and by 8pm, the end of visiting hours we were all laughing and smiling again. Hector had come back at dinner time with Ella food for all of us. When everyone left Carlos laid down on the bed with me, and just held me close.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N not mine, I own nothing. TISSUE WARNING!

I had wanted to post this sooner, but I was having some problems of my own. This chapter will have multiple point of views, generally I am not a fan of this type of story. I feel it is needed before Steph goes home, so that some of the reactions by Rangemen is better understood.

Slowly Suffocating

Tank's point of view

This last month has been pure hell. Thankfully, Little Girl is coming home today. Yes, she is sick, but we will take care of her. She has made us a family, something we never would have before. The first time Ranger introduced us, I thought he had finally lost his mind. Here she was a little girl, untrained for this job, and scared of all of us. Yet, she did the job anyway, she didn't judge us, she treated us like friends. We needed that, more than anything we needed her.

The last few years I have been telling Ranger that he should see the proctologist, I am guessing he did. The best news we've ever gotten was that Stephanie was moving into Rangeman, up to 7 , where she loved each other, but something, or rather someone was keeping them apart. From the way it sounded, 4 days ago, Ranger was the main cause of it. I am sure Steph is not blameless, but Ranger will be meeting the core team, plus Hector, on the mats.

We gathered in the garage to welcome her home. As they pulled up every emotion I have ever felt came flooding upon me all at once. As Ranger picked her up out of the SUV, the tears began to fall freely. I looked around and noticed that I wasn't the only one. As she passed by I reached out and took her from Rangers arms. I needed to feel her to know that I wasn't dreaming, and that she really was home.

"Welcome home Little Girl." I hugged he, and kissed her curls, gently passing her on to Lester.

"Thank you Big Guy." she said softly.

Lester's POV

Tank was passing Beautiful to me, and I noticed the faint trail where the tears had fallen down his face, now I didn't feel so awkward about my own. I held her close, and all of the good and happy memories that I have with her over the past few years came flooding back. I was able to replace the tears with a smile.

"Welcome home Beautiful! Now I can see your happy face everyday! I can't wait, we are going to have so much fun!"

"Les, I think you just like being called to the mats." She told me with a giggle after I kissed he full out on the lips. Bobby gave me a Gibbs by smacking me on the back of my head. I passed heer off to Bobby.

As I passed her over, I realized how close we came to losing her. The tears threatened to fall again. She is my best friend, I need her in my life like I need air to breathe. When we were told that she was terminal, I completely lost it. I took my car and took off for her favorite two places. The Tastey Pastry, and the rocks in Point Pleasent. I needed to wrap my head around it. She was in for the fight for her life, and I wanted to give her all the strength I could. I was there for a long time, and they sent someone from Rangeman to find me. Tank sent Manny. He hadn't heard about her diagnosis yet, and I was the one who had to break it to him about his Wifey. He took it hard. I couldn't understand why no one else saw what we did with her. I don't think I ever would.

Bobby's POV

Thank God she was home. This past month has been horrible, the moment Ranger ran out of here like a bat out hell, till this one. It felt like our little family had fallen apart. That is what she did for us, made us a family. As we waited for her to return to us the tension in the air was thick, the guys spent a lot of time in the gym trying to work it all out. A few fights broke out on the control room floor. They are highly trained military personnel, and this was how they were going to handle the fear we all felt. The scariest of all was Hector, he had withdrawn even further into himself.

Once we were given a probable diagnosis, I began to research it further, and the more I read the more my heart constricted. The odds of getting this disease was so low that there is very little actually known about aee inly a few treatments, and the chance of long term survival are almost none existent. Sometimes a patient qualifies for a heart and lung transplant, but many do not even make it long enough for that. I called The Pulmonary Hypertension Association, and found out that there are support groups in this are and Philly for both patients and caregivers. I can guarantee that Steph, Ranger, and I will be attending those.

Lester was going to far so I Gibbsed him, and he passed Stephanie over to me.

"So, Bobby are you going to ask Marie out?" I must have looked like a fish outta water. She let out a full on belly laugh.

"If you do she will say yes." She told me.

"I guess I will then. I'll call her tonight. " I kissed her curls, and passed her onto Hector.

Hector's POV

( for everyone this part will be written in English, except when he speaks. I am giving Google translate a break.)

I held my Angel in my arms. These last few weeks have been hard. All I could think of was my sister who died way to young. She was only 16 when the cancer took her from us. Stephanie reminded me a lot of her. Not only did they look similar, but they shared the same determination in life. She did whatever she had to do to get her skip, and she would do the same in this fight for her life. I would push her too. When Blanca was fighting she didn't give up, she fought with everything she had, and I stood right beside her. I began to speak, and Ranger translated for me.

"Te amo con la hermana de mi corazon. Voy a estar a tu lado y pelear con usted. Usted va a ganar esto para el largo plazo." I vowed with a hand over my heart. Ranger raised and eyebrow at me in question, I only shook my head.

"I love you the sister of my heart. I'll be by your side and dight with you. You will win this for the long term." I kisssd her curls, and passed her over to Ranger.

"Yo tambien te quiero, Hector. " ( I love you too, Hector. ) she rubbed my tear drops and kissed them gently before Ranger took her up to 7.,

Ranger's POV

As I pulled into the garage at Rangeman I saw all of the men who weren't on monitors were down here waiting for us. I lifted her out of the truck and as I looked up I saw the tears in Tank's eyes. I handed her over to him. He spent a few minutes with her, and Cal and Hal began to unload the the truck of her oxygen, and everything else she had with her after a month in the hospital. I watched as she was passed to each of my core team, along with Hector.

Hector surprised me with his support for her. I knew that he had a hard life, but to show Babe this much support. He even allowed her to touch his face, something he never did for anyone before. As we went up to 7 she began to fall asleep. I knew Ella was anxiously waiting there for us to get her settled was a God send. I knew how much she loved Babe, and she couldn't wait to spoil her like a Mother should.

A/N the next chapter will have Ella's POV then return to Stephanie. I am only planning one or two more chapters to be from Ranger's POV. This is mainly Stephanie's story, so I am trying to keep it in her POV.

Also thank you for all of the wonderful reviews, and notes of encouragement. They all mean a lot to me.


	13. Chapter 13

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

Ella Point Of View

The first time I meet Stephanie Plum, she became my daughter. From everything I had been told , she needed a Mom. She is so good to those around her. As Ranger brought her into the apartment she looked so small in his arms, so looked like she could break at any moment. Thinking back over the last few months, I realized so many things I should have picked up on. She tired so easy, she was slowing down. I know that I can't blame myslef, but that guilt will always be there, she always noticed when something was wrong with one of the men, how could we be so blind to her. How could I be so blind to her?

I began to help Ranger get her settled into bed, when her eyes fluttered open, and she whispered, "Thank you Ella."

"Any time my dear girl." She smiled at me and fell back to sleep.

Stephanie Point of View

A few hours after we went back to Haywood, I woke up. I had three hours until Marie was there to work with us on my Flolan and line care. Ranger had so much work to do, but insisted on staying with me. I feel guilty for it. He has a large company to run. The man is stubborn, even Ella is hovering. After dinner tonight we are going to need to discuss this. He needs to work, and what will happen when he has to "go in the wind"? He can't be distracted then. Maybe we should talk sooner.

"Ranger?" I asked just loud enough for him to hear.

"Yeah, What's wrong?"

"I think we should talk."

"Sure, what's going on, that we need to talk about?"

"Ranger, you can't be with me constantly. Rangeman needs you, and if you get called away again, I can't be a distraction for you. We need to figure this out. I feel guilty with all the time you're spending with me."

"Stephanie, look at me." I took a deep breath, and looked up, "Steph, I am stepping back from Rangeman, not completely, but a lot,over the last month I sat back and reevaluated my life. I realize that I have a lot of good people working for me, and they need a chance to fly. Tank is taking over the majority, with Bobby, and Lester taking on more as well. As for going in the wind, it won't be happening anymore. My contract came up while you were in the hospital, I wasn't planning on renewing it. So when it came up, I called my handler and have been discharged by the United States Government, I was getting to old to keep doing it. Let the younger guys take over."

"Ok, so your contract is over, but Rangeman, you've put so much into this company. You can't just walk away like that."

"I'm not walking away, just stepping back. I will still have the final say in everything, but all of they day to day things will go to others. This way I will have more time with You, and Julie. I can take time to see my family. I have come to discover that life is to short to let it pass you by, and that's what I've been doing."

"So, this isn't just because I'm sick?"

"No. Now Marie will be here in about ten minutes, are you ready for this?"

"I don't have much choice, so yeah I am."

Marie arrived shortly after, with Bobby. They began with how to care for her site, and how to avoid infection. Apparently it was a big problem for this type of site. All precautions must be taken with gowning up, gloves, masks, the whole nine yards, just to change the dressing. I had so much going through my mind, I was becoming confused so quickly. Marie took pity on me, and set up my cassettes with Bobby learning this time around. She would be back tomorrow to work with me some more. I was exhausted, and kept tripping on my oxygen tubing, so Ranger picked me up and carried me to bed.

A/N Just a quick note. PH has struck me again, I am having some major problems maintaining my blood pressure, and oxygen levels. My bp has been dropping way to low, and my o2 has been dropping to 85. so updates as they happen may be short or far between. Please don't think I have given up this story, I haven't. I just don't have enough oxygen getting to my brain to write out a comprehensive chapter.

Thank you


	14. Chapter 14

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

Thank you everyone. I am beginning to feel better, my bp is now stable, and my o2 is back up. A little med adjustment, and it is helping.

Slowly Suffocating

Today Marie will be over to check on me and to show me how to mix my meds for the cassettes. I am also going over to the local ambulance station with Bobby to explain that if they were have to come get me, that they under no circumstances to turn off my pump, I would begin to feel the effects of the loss of medication most likely within five minutes. This was going to be a loooong day. So many things to do, and I was already exhausted. I was sitting on the couch when Ranger came in, and saw my contemplative state.

"Babe, I have something for you." Ranger told me as he sat down next to me. He handed me a Jewelry box. I just looked at him like he was crazy.

"It won't bite, I promise. it may be very helpful for you to have. Open it please, for me."

I opened the box, and inside was a beautiful silver chain and pendent. It was so simple that it took me a moment to realize that it was a medical alert pendent, and on the back was inscribed;

Pulmonary Hypertension

On Flolan

DO NOT STOP PUMP

"Thank you."

"Anytime, Stephanie, Anything to keep you safe."

There was a knock at the door, and he answered it, letting Bobby in.

"Ready Bomber?"

"I just need my portable tank, and cooler for my meds, and I am set."

Ranger handed Bobby my tank, and a small lunch bag that contained and extra set of batteries on the outside pouch, and one cassette of needed to be kept cold once it was mixed, and I knew the pump would need changed while we were out, so we made sure to have it with us. Plus this will give the EMT's a chance to see it as well.

Once we arrived, everyone who was available was at the station. I introduced myself and explained why I was asked a few questions, and Bobby answered what he could. We directed them to the PHA website, to offer those who wanted to know more, the best place to look for answers. I showed them my pump, and the site where it went into my the time we left, I just wanted to sleep, but I knew Marie would be there when we got back. I will push through this lesson today, eat a snack, take a nap, then I am going for dinner with Ranger to see my Dad.

I was right, Marie was pulling in just as we got greeted us, and followed us to the elevator, and up to the seventh floor we went She set us up at the dinning room table.

"It will be easier to mix this up right here. That way all of your supplies are right in reach, and you will be less likely to drop anything."

She showed me how to properly wash my hands and the area I would be both put on gloves,, and we used a couple of practice cassettes until she thought I had it right. I took a deep breath , and did the real thing. We made up the two that I would need for the next twenty four hours.

"That was perfect Steph."

"Good, now did Bobby call you yet?

"Yeah, we're going out tomorrow night. I can't wait! I found the perfect dress! "

They talked and laughed for the next twenty minutes. When she left, I ate some frozen grapes, and took a nap. Ranger was waking me up at 4pm, so that he could help me get ready for dinner. We were going to Rosinni's. At 5:30 we were out the door.

We got to the restaurant, and Daddy was already there, but I was feeling very uneasy, something was going to happen, my spidey senses were a tingling. Just as we ordered I saw why. Joe Morelli walked in, with some bimbo.

He walk over to our table took one look at me and grabbed my oxygen tube, dropping it with disgust he said,

"Once a whore always a whore, now you are pretending to be sick just to get Manoso. It's time to stop this shit and come home with me right now, you dumb bitch!"

He made a grab for my arm, but Ranger stopped him, and Daddy was calling the had violated the restraining order. Ranger held him until Carl came and placed him under arrest. I knew today was going to well to be true. The drive home was a quiet one. When we got upstairs, I sat on the couch, and Eanger began to speak.

"Babe, how about we take a short vacation? After Marie is done with all of her visits next week, and if we can get clearence from your doctor, we can go somewhere, just you and me. Get away from Trenton for a few days. We can even take Bobby and Hector along if it will help. I think we both need a break from the everyday here. That scene with Joe just proved it."

"Let me think about it, I need to get Marie and Dr. Z's opinions first. I hate this!" My voice was starting to raise, and tears were starting to fall." I absolutely HATE THIS! Why can't I just have one good day, just one, where I am physically, emotionally, and mentally all ok. Why did I have to end up with this damn disease?! I just want to not be sick, I want Joe to leave me alone, I want my Mom to love me, and I want the burg to not exist! I didn't have much going for me before I got sick, now I don't even have a future I can plan on having." Ranger held me as I cried


	15. Chapter 15

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

The rant Stephanie had at the end of the last chapter, is one that my husband hears from me when I am having a rough day, not as much as it happened in the beginning, but still on occasion, it seemed rather appropriate for the end of that chapter.

Slowly Suffocating

The next week and a half, I was slowly began to adapt to my new normal. I was napping twice a day, in bed by 9, and up around 9. Meds, site care, mixing meds, by the time it was all said and done I was exhausted. I was ready for that vacation, I just needed to get through my doctors appointment today, and see what we could possibly do, even if it is just to Point Pleasant. Bobby, and Hector would both be coming with us. I think I would rather go to Point Pleasant, I would be closer to my doctors, I would feel safer.

I was feeling more and more excited as the time for my appointment got closer. I was going to find out if I could get away! Little did I know that Dr.Z had a new torture up his sleeve for me today, otherwise probably, I wouldn't have been so excited. I went down to five to meet Ranger and Bobby, I figured out a good way to carry all of my own things, but hooking my medicine bag onto the handle of my portable consintrator, and away we went.

Once at the office, I was shown back to an exam room, and we waited for about ten minutes in there for him.

"Good afternoon, Steph! Let's go over the info we have here so far today. Your bp is slightly higher than I would like, but it is a lot better than it was last time I saw you. On the latest blood work we have your BMP has come down some, and that is a major plus . Your plus ox is at 95% on two liters of oxygen. You are really looking good. Keep this up and we may be able to wean you off of for the part of this visit that most of my patients do not like. I have a test for you. We call it the 6 minute walk. What we are going to do is put a pulse oximeter on your finger, go out in the hal and walk as far as you can in 6 minutes. This is not a race, and if you have to stop, or your o2 levels go down to far we will stop."

I just nodded my head. I thought piece of cake. I can walk for six minutes. That isn't that long. Boy, was I wrong. I began to walk at a nice and steady pace, with Ranger beside me carrying my consintrator. After 3 minutes I began to get winded, and started to slow down, after five I felt like it was never going to end, and my chest was going to explode, but I made it to 6. They had a wheelchair ready to take me back to the room.

"Ok, I am impressed, you made it 1,100 meters, or right around 3,600 feet. Your o2 dropped to 87%, but it is recovering nicely, and quickly. For now if you are exerting yourself, walking, cleaning, whatever, I want you to up your o2 to 3 liters. You still need to be on two liters the rest of the time, but you are doing remarkably well. Also, I don't want to adjust your Flolan right now. Stay on the dose you are on, it is really working for you. Any questions for me today?"

"Can I take a small vacation? We would like to get away for a few days, even if it is somewhere nearby. "

"As long as you take every precaution, have all of your meds, and your oxygen. I don't see why not."

"Thank you! Ranger tell the boys that Point Pleasant it is for the next 4 days!"

"As soon as we get back, we can tell Hector together. "

"Maybe, Bobby here can bring along Marie." I told them with a smile, Bobby squirmed under my grin. I love messing with the Merry Men. Ranger let out a full belly laugh at the site. Today was a good day and I sent a little prayer of Thanks up to the heavens.

A/N BMP is a blood test to determine heart failure, anything over 100 is considered heart failure. There are different degrees of it depending on these numbers, I have learned to pay close attention to these numbers as well, right now I am sitting right around 98, as of my last draw. Yes,they can and do fluctuate.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N not mine, I own nothing

Slowly Suffocating

We left for Point Pleasant an hour after we got back from my appointments, and latest blood draws. Bobby, Marie and I had sat down yesterday and made a list of everything I would need to take with me, including my tanks of oxygen, in case of power failure and I can not charge my portable consintrator, my meds, a cooler, ice packs, ice for the larger cooler, baggies, and of course my medical alert necklace. By the time we got to Rangeman after seeing Dr.Z, Marie, and Hector had everything on my list packed up and eeady to go. Ella packed a small duffel for me and Ranger as well.

This vacation was about me getting away from all of the major stressors in my life, and figure out what I was going to do about them. My phone rang when we were half way there. I looked at the caller I.D. it was my parents number. I sucked in a deep breath, and exhaled before I answered.

"Hello?" I greeted who I was praying, was not my so called Mother.

"Steph, it's Grandma."

"What's up Grandma?" I asked instantly worried.

"I have some fun news for ya." she chuckled, " Your Mom is being run out of the almighty Burg. No one will talk to her, sell anything to her, or even acknowledge that she even exists. All because a nurse from the hospital heard everything she said to you, and is telling everyone the Helen Plum is nothing but an uncaring bitch, whose children should have been removed from her care at birth. That no Mother worth a grain of salt , would ever treat their child the way she does you. That you are sick, and you are the bravest, and strongest person she ever met before you became sick, and now she only has more admiration for you. You my dear, have broken the Burg."

"Wow...that's just...wow"

" I just wanted to let you know, your Dad and I are just sitting back and enjoying the show."

"Thank you Grandma, Love you."

"Love you too, Baby girl bye."

"Bye."

I told Ranger about the conversation, and he let out the biggest laugh I had every heard. The rest of the ride, we laughed, and just had fun. I was more relaxed then I had ever been. I was leaving the burg behind for good, and it felt great!

We arrived at the house that Rangeman owned, and it was beautiful. We decided to sit on the boardwalk and people watch, but when we got there, it was so crowded. We weren't sure what was going on, but something was happening. I stopped a police officer and asked him. He told us that there was a fire at one of the motels, and four people passed away, and eight were critically injured. We had to do something.

"Ok, Babe. Shall we feed the responders, and have the guys back at Rangeman, help find shelter, and clothes for those involved? "

"Yes."

We spent the afternoon and evening doing what we could for all of those involved, by the time we were done, I was more than ready for bed

I spent the next day in bed, I had over done it, and I needed to rest. I needed to take the time to recover from it. That evening Ranger and I had dinner on the back deck looking over the ocean.

"I Love you." I was a little surprised when he told me, but replied,

"I Love you too." He threw a 200 watt smile at me. I grinned. We continued to make small talk, and he told me more about his family. He was surprising me with how open he was being with me.

I went to bed that night feeling better than I had in a long time. The next two days were just as relaxing, and as we were leaving I could feel the tension build as we got closer to Rangeman. Ranger's phone rang, never good.

"Babe, Morelli and Valerie's lawyers are at Rangeman waiting for us to get back so we can talk to them about the restraining order, and the charges filed against Morelli."

Shit, I so did not need this. I was in a good place, and they were gonna ruin my happy. Fuckers. Ranger chuckled, I must have said that out loud.

A/N the fire came across my news feed this afternoon from CNN, it happened around 5:30 am on 5/21. These are the numbers that they were giving out at that time. These were families who were still being sheltered after Hurricane Sandy. I hope that their loved ones can find some peace.


	17. Chapter 17

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

We walked into the conference room to meet with Val and Morelli's lawyers. I busted out laughing at thhe sight, there sat Dickie Orr. Ranger looked at me and raised and eyebrow with a look that told me he found this just as amusing as I did. This was going to be good.

"Mr. Manoso, Ms. Plum. We are here to discuss one Mr. Morelli, and the charges you have filed against him. Mr Thompson is here concerning one Valerie Kloughn, and the restThanksraining order that you have placed against her." Dickie informed us.

" ," I almost chocked as I said this, " I am going to assume that you are here to persuade us to drop all charges against Morelli. I can promise you nothing can convince me to do so."

"Ms. Plum, please hear me out, before you make any decisions. Mr. MorellI has agreed to a 90 day in patient rehab, and a transfer out of New Jersey upon completion."

"What is to keep him from harassing me when he comes back for visits to his Mother? What is to keep him from trying to do something to me when he is our of state? There are no safe guards in place for me, all for him. Mr. Morelli can't lose his reputation, no he is far to important for any real consequences. The man has been verbally, and physically abusive towards me, yet you, you feel that he only needs a slap on the wrist. Listen Dickie, you have a conflict of interest on this, I am your ex wife. Remember, I could have had you brought up on charges after you beat me, but I will not make the same mistake with Morelli, as I did you. So you and your buddies can leave now. Mr. Thompson, I will listen to what you have to say, but I can not promise anything."

I could feel the tension rolling off of Ranger. I had never told anyone anything about Dickie, other than he cheated on me. No one needed to know. I had gotten away, yes at a great loss, but I had gotten away I knew we were going to have to talk about it. I looked at him, held up my finger and shook my head. He understood that I meant I would explain later.

"Mr. Thompson, The only thing I want from my sister is to be able to see my nieces, but if we can't work that out without me having to deal with her crap, than the restraining order stays in place."

"Ms. plum, if you remove order, than Mrs. Kloughn is willing to set up visitation. Mr. Kloughn has been advocating for you and the girls. He knows how much you love them, and he does not want that connection to be severed. It would be detrimental to both you and the girls. I will advise the Kloughns that we need to find a way to bring the children to you without Valerie. I will contact you , with a schedule that hopefully both parties will find beneficial. Thank you for your time Ms. Plum, and Mr. Manoso."

"Mr. Thompson, we will contact our lawyer, and he will get in touch with you. Although, I will give you fair warning, if Mrs. Kloughn tries anything there will be dire consequences. If she so much as sneezes wrong in our direction, she will be buried so far in law suits, that she will never see the end of the tunnel, and if she does see a light, it will be a freight train heading her way. I will make sure of that." Ranger told him. I did a fish impression.

We went up to seven, and Ella had dinner ready for us. We sat down and began to eat. I knew what was coming, and I was dreading it.

"Babe." I took this as him telling me it was time to fess up, shit.

"Let's finish eating, and I will tell everything from start to finish. When I start, please do not interrupt me."

We finished up eating, and went to sit in the living room. I drew in a deep breath, and began my story.

" I meet Dickie in college, as you know. He was a few years older, and my Mother actually approved of him, so for the first time I decided to go along with it. When he proposed, I said yes. The first time he hit me was two weeks after our wedding, I had burnt dinner. I told my Mother about it, and she made me believe it was my fault. I tried hard for the next 5 months to be the perfect wife, and work. I came home early from work one day and found Dickie and Joyce on the table. My arms were covered in bruises from the night before. I walked out and began to throw out his things on the front lawn. They came out of the dinning room as if nothing was wrong. Joyce took one look at me arms and told me that if I was better in bed he wouldn't beat me, or cheat on me. He punched me int he stomach as they were leaving. What he doesn't know was that I was pregnant, I planned on telling him that night. He ended that with one single hit. You know the rest. The divorce made history, and I ended up with nothing. That night did more than destroy my marriage, it destroyed my confidence."

"Babe, I am so sorry you had to go through all of that. Why didn't you tell me before now?"

"I had my reasons. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, and most of all I never wanted to relive it again. So, please let this be the end of it."

"Alright Babe." We just sat there and held each other.

The next six months we were all on tenterhooks waiting to see what would go down with Morelli. Valerie, and I had not spoken, and never would. Albert brought the girls over, every Saturday afternoon for a few hours. I was down to using my oxygen when I am asleep, and whenever Ranger and I took our daily walks. This Friday night Ranger had a special night planned out just for him and I, and I was so nervous, I was afraid of what was to come.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

Friday night came fast. Ranger informed me to dress up, so I was. I had found a beautiful silver dress that covered my I.v site just right, and a little bag to match that fit what I needed perfectly! He did tell me that his family would be there tonight. I really thought that I would be nervous about meeting them, but I wasn't. I was surprised that he wanted me to meet them. Of course, that also meant that Lester would be there too, so if I get to nervous, at least I hope I will have his comic relief.

Ranger transformed into GQ Ranger , beautiful, hot, and yummy! We took the Turbo and began the drive, on the way I realized we heading towards Newark. This had my curiosity going. What the heck did the man have planned? We pulled up in front of the Blue Moon, a relatively new restaurant, but it was very exclusive. Hmmm, was that my Dad's Buick?

"Let's go in."

We walked in, and his entire family was there, along with my Dad, Grandma, Lester, Tank, Bobby, Marie, and finally Hector. I was at a loss for words. What is going on? Why was everyone here tonight? Ranger lead me over to the table we were going to sit at, with my Dad, his parents and Hector.

Food was being delivered by the staff, and Ranger stood up.

"Thank you everyone for coming. I asked all of you here this evening to celebrate life. Specifically, Stephanie Plum. I met this wonderful woman years ago. She brought light and laughter into my life. She saved so many people, by just being her. She even saved my own daughter, by sacrificing herself. There are so many reasons to celebrate her, but my biggest one is the Love I have for her." he paused and turned to me. He dropped down to one knee in front of me, " Babe, will you marry me?"

I sat there stunned for only a moment, before answered through the tears, "Yes, always yes!" He slid the ring on my finger and kissed me senseless. Everyone stood up clapping and whistling, cheering for us. As dinner continued, everyone came up and congratulated us.

As the night wore on, I began to feel aful. My heart was racing, and I couldn't catch my breath.

"Ranger," I gasped out, "Hospital. "

A/N I know this is a short one, but it needed to end here. Also I will be posting a collection of shorts once this story is complete that will include Ranger on the mats, as well as Hector's story.


	19. Chapter 19

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

Slowly Suffocating

Ranger rode in the ambulance to the hospital with me. I was terrified. What could be going wrong now? Yes, for the last few days I had a slight cough, and I was a little more tired than usual, but otherwise I felt fine. As they checked my pulse ox they found it was down to 81%, well no wonder I felt like I couldn't breathe. We got to the ER, and a furrie of activity surrounded me. Blood draws, x-rays, a CT scan. IV line with fluids. Two hour after we got there the doctor finally came in, it was Dr. Z.

",Well, Steph. I have some results here for you. From everything I am seeing you have pneumonia, I want to admit you for a few days with antibiotics, then we can send you home. I think we caught this early enough, that the damage it leaves behind will be minimum. We are in a good spot to get this fast, and get you home."

I was in the middle of a breathing treatment so I just nodded my head. Ranger had other questions though.

"Will she be at the same level before this, or will this set her back?"

"Any infection in the lung will set her back slightly at least. She may not be able to get back to the level she was at, but we will have to take it a day at a time, and possibly consider pulmonary rehab. We will look at her levels in a couple of weeks, and do a pulmonary function test, and decide then. You do need to understand that even once the infection is clear, it will take a few more weeks of recovery afterwards. She is looking at least a 6 week recovery time from this, and that is barring any complications."

"Steph had the pneumovax, so why does she have pneumonia? "

"The pneunmonia vaccine only covers a few strains of pneumonia, so she is still at risk. She relly needs to be careful around anyone who shows symptoms of being ill, she is highly susptable to infection, and it can cause serious damage to her lungs."

"Thank you."

Dr. Z left the room. The pulmonary Therapist was just finishing up with my treatment. My oxygen was set at 3 liters, and I was at least up to 92%. I was comfortable and able to breathe again, for now anyway. Looks like I had to have these treatments every four hours around the clock for the next few days.

The next four days went pretty smoothly, and they were sending me home. I was ready, I was going home on oxygen around the clock again, steriods, and antibiotics. I had an appointment in two weeks for my pfts (pulmonary function tests). I was just glad to be going home. Ranger was the rock who is standing beside me through all of this.

While I was in the hospital, Joe's trial occurred. Ranger went with my lawyers to represent my interest. Joe endes up losing his job, and was on probation for the next six years. If he tries to contact me at any time he will face six months in jail and thousands of dollars in fines. My Mother, upon hearing of my engagement, lost it and almost destroyed the house. Dad had her committed to a psych unit. I can only pray that it helps. I sat in the apartment on 7 thinking about all that has happened in the year of my life. I hated how all of this has happened, but am grateful for the happiness I have found.

"Babe? Are you alright? "

"Honestly, I've never been in a better place. I was just thinking about the last year, and no matter how it happened, I am glad to be where I am. I Love You."

"I Love you too Babe."

We sat there holding each other just content to be where we were. May the future bring what it brings.

A/N There will be an epilog coming soon, as well as a collection of one shots.


	20. Chapter 20

A/N not mine, I own nothing.

In writing this, I have found that this has been very therapeutic. I want to thank everyone for the support, and encouragement. Margaret, your messages helped a lot. I know that most likely there won't be a cure in my lifetime, but I have HOPE that one day there will be. I started writing this as a way to bring attention to this rare disease, I found some more support too. As I bring this story to a close, I am writing this part as a projection of Hope on my part. I Hope to be a long term survivor, as of right now I am only 18 months post diagnosis. I plan on being around for a long time. Please, if you haven't already check out thee PHA website. Thank You.

Lynda

Slowly Suffocating

14 years later

Ranger's POV

Tonight we are celebrating our 13th wedding anniversary. The past 14 years with my Babe have been full of ups and down. We almost lost her a few times, but she pulled through. She is a fighter, a long term survivor. They had told us that she would be lucky to make it past 5 years, yet here we stand. She is no longer on Flolan, but on Viagra, along with a few other meds. She only uses oxygen when she needs it. I am so proud of her. I watched her laugh at something Marie said to her, as Bobby came up behind them. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. Sadly, we did lose a few friends and family over the years. The hardest two on Babe, and myself were Grandma Mazur and Hector. We all took Hector's passing hard, but we know that he and his sister are watching over us every day. I walked over to her and held out my hand.

"Dance with me?" I asked her, as Be Brave by Chloe Temche was played. I picked this song as a surprise for her. This song is written and performed by a member of the PH family. I purchased it on iTunes, 50%of the sales were being given to PHA for research. Our lives are impacted every day from this disease, I wanted to have something special here to show her that I was so proud of how brave she is.

"I Love you" I whispered

"I Love you too."

A/N

I will be posting a collection of one shots for this story. The song Be Brave by Chloe Temche is a wonderful song that is just as I said in the epilog. You can also hear it on YouTube. In the past two weeks, we lost two children in the PH community, this is a devastating loss. They should have had their whole lives in front of them, but sadly PH knows no age. It can strike at birth, and any time after.

Maybes to HOPE

Maybe one day we will have a cure,

So that parents won't lose their children,

Children won't lose their parents,

Families won't lose their loved ones,

Husbands won't lose their wives,

Wives won't lose their husbands,

Partners won't lose their partners, and

Friends won't lose their friends.

The maybes become HOPE,

every time someone learns about PH, and

HOPE can become a cure.

I fight Pulmonary Hypertension everyday, because I have

HOPE.

Lynda


End file.
